A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet Darlene Pratt, Director of Community Relations, Regional HIV AIDS Connection in London, Ontario...

I am so moved by the work she and others are doing for the community at the centre (http://www.hivaidsconnection.ca) and I asked her if she would participate in our "Ten Questions".  She was gracious enough to share some thoughts with us...

 

1. What is on your mind lately?

A little over a month ago my father died. It was a shock, since for all intents and purposes he was healthy with no true forewarning his death was so close. The time between diagnosis and when he died was one week.

The busyness of everyday life continued immediately after his death – work, kids’ activities, volunteer involvement and family. The busyness, although serving at times like a salve that assuaged the grief, has also acted as a barrier to fully engaging in mourning his loss. I’m still trying to process the reality of my father’s death.

During that one week, my family spent as much time as possible with him in hospital. The first few days we thought he’d be going home. The last few days we knew he was never going to see his home again, so we were with him 24-hours a day watching him struggle to breathe, fighting the pain and the debilitating affect of both the drugs and his disease. We were with him, my Mom holding his hand and me with my hand on his shoulder speaking gently to him and letting him know it was alright to let go, when he took his last breath.

We stayed in the hospital room with his body for another hour. I was struck by the instantaneous disconnect of body and person once the breath is gone. I’ve been thinking about how strongly we identify with our bodies, this vessel we are given at birth and how we let it define us when, in fact, what truly defines us is our thoughts, feelings, beliefs and opinions - our animus; that virtually ineffable thing within us that makes us who we really are. We are nothing without cognition. Once it is gone, we cease to exist except as memory and genetic legacy passed through our children.

This train of thought has been dovetailing into the struggle I have with the cult of celebrity and beauty. So much emphasis is placed on the package we are wrapped in to the detriment of the substance within.

2. What is the kindest thing you have ever known someone to do?

One of the kindest things I witness fairly often is a simple gesture - giving a hug to an individual who the average person would shun; someone who hasn’t bathed in days, has open sores, who instantaneously reads as homeless and down-and-out.

3. When was the last time you felt inspired?

The last time I felt inspired was after my father died and I was asked by my family to make an urn for his remains.

4. What are you sure of?

I’m sure I know next to nothing and can foresee very little. I’m more and more sure the pathway to happiness is letting go of expectation and allowing possibility to enter in whatever forms it may take.

5. What do you love about people? 

I love diversity among people, different customs, language, belief systems, appearance and ways of thinking about life. I love the tremendous intelligence, curiosity and drive toward understanding people have.

6. What gives you butterflies in your tummy? 

Learning, experiencing and seeing new things gives me butterflies in my tummy.

7. How do you combat stress?

I combat stress by spending time alone communing with my home, cleaning, listening to music or sitting on the balcony in the sun.

8. What do you value most in people?

I value emotional and intellectual growth in people.

9. What is the best advice you've ever received?

The best advice I ever received was to buy the home I now live in. It is a modest home that gives me comfort and joy every day.

10. Is there anything else you would like to share?

The thing I fear the most is letting my fear win.